Behind The Lines
The purpose for Behind the Lines is for others to see no matter how hard your life is, there is always something to look forward to, life is good and never judge a book by it’s cover.
I would like to introduce you to Sam otherwise known as “Sam I Am”, within the MC community. I have known Sam for almost two years when we started riding together within the same club. My first impression of Sam and again you should never judge a book by it’s cover, is that she scares the shit out of me. Thing is she still does, but not in a bad way. Sam has one of the biggest hearts I know, she is the true meaning of a sister in everyway, but she doesn’t take crap from anyone and once I found out her story it’s a lesson she can teach other women as well. Her lesson is this, no matter how bad your life is, no matter hard it gets, no matter what mistakes you made, always respect yourself and stand up for what you believe in and don’t take shit from anyone.
I am honoured that Sam let me sit down with her and is willing to tell others her story in hopes it helps, even if just one woman realize you are never alone, someone always has it worse and your future is what you make it.
Here is Sam’s story…..
If anyone had a shitty start to life, it’s her. Sam is a product of rape. Her mother was raped by a family member, and it never stopped there. As she grew up, she became the victim as well by the same person.
The first question I had to ask her was why did this keep on continuing, how does this happen? Does no one see this? Her reply was that is 1961 family secrets were never discussed, you kept your mouth closed, and when I think about it, that was the truth to it back than. Not so for everyone, but from a lot of women I’ve met like Sam. When you grew up in that era, families kept things to themselves and never rocked the boat. It was an embarrassment to your family and people looked down on you. Let’s call it old school values, but the wrong kind and that’s just the way it was.
Sam remained close to her mother, even thou she knew, but to this day she lays no blame as to the direction her life headed after this. It may have been the root to the cause of how things in her life were about to happen, but one of the things I admire about her is no matter what, you move on and blame no one, you are in control.
When she was 16 she finally left home, in hopes of something better, but when you’re a product of circumstance sometimes the decisions you make, are not the ones you should be making. You associate with what you know, who makes you feel comfortable, because you don’t know any better and Sam’s story is like many others. Until you break the cycle it will just keep happening. One of the things back than is Sam didn’t believe in herself, she looked to the outside, men in general for affirmation as to how she looked at herself. Struggling not only with low self esteem but an eating disorder, suffering from depression and a huge mistrust for women.
Sam than met her Mr. right, or so she thought. The typical bad boy he rode a motorcycle he belonged to a club. They played the game for awhile, but she finally agreed to date him 6 months later, she gave in. It seemed to me like it was going to be this awesome love story that was going to melt my heart at first, you know the chase, he must really love and adore her, she married him, had a child together, but what she told me next shattered me….
The one story that sticks in my mind is the day her husband brought home one of his club brothers to stay at the house while he went out. He was drinking and she didn’t feel safe with him staying there, she had a bad feeling so she voiced her opinion and got backhanded for it, leaving her with no other option but to have him remain there. While her husband went out he kept on drinking. Deciding he would try and have his way with her and pulled a gun to her head and demanded a blow job, but she stood her ground and took the chance by saying no. He never stopped there, the next attack was on her daughter, taking a gun to her head and demanding the same. What was a mother to do?
After this Sam left with her daughter and started a new life by staying in a wayward house for mothers. She told me that the boys from her husband’s club still tried to help her, but she ended up at an all time low, but not as low as it would ever be for her. It wasn’t enough to support her daughter so she made the best of it and started stripping and selling blow.
As the cycle continued she met the next love of her life and moved to England to start over with her daughter, but unfortunately her ex husband wasn’t having any of that and came and took custody of their child. Sam’s all time new low, with her Mother passing away as well. Two of the best things were now gone from her life.
After she moved back to try and regain custody of her daughter, cocaine became her drug of choice. “If your going to do it do it right” were Sam’s words when she told me injected it. Stripping and selling drugs were still her choice of occupation at the time, and home was sleeping on others couches and falling in love with her next big mistake, your normal everyday guy, so she thought.
Everything back than was all about the party, the only thing that made her feel human and so was this guy who also had a major drug habit. Because Sam wanted another child, she got clean, one of the hardest things to do especially when your partner is still going strong. It warmed my heart because she remembered the exact date “March 13, 1989”, also regaining custody of her daughter at the age of 13.
You would think that getting your life on the right track would make things better, but unfortunately there was one last straw to break, her strung out fucktard came home with his friends and gang raped her. Sam woke up!!!
There is a happy ending to the story, she met another guy, maybe not the one for her, but a good guy just the same, just not on the same page in personalities, but it comes with one of the funniest and best feel good stories and Sam’s life she told me.
What do you do when a man tells you that you can’t buy a motorcycle. Well hell you do it anyway, stopping at the lawyers for the separation papers on the way home to have him sign when you get there. The greatest Fuck You moment ever I would say. One of the reasons I love her.
Sam is still drug free, 28 years to be exact and maintains a close relationship with her children. Because of that motorcycle, which that ass wanted in the divorce, she joined a women’s motorcycle club years back, and finally found her place in life. Most importantly she’s independent, respects herself daily, her sisters mean everything to her now and loved by many…………
Please also note times have changed, families are more open now. Men as well as women, no matter what position they hold in life or who they associate with, does not make them a bad person, NEVER JUDGE.